Nature has the answers

As a culture we are trained to seeking artifical solutions to natural problems.  We see curing illness or resolving conflict (external or internal) as a “fight”.  We wage a war against the body and mind, by medicating ourselves with prescription (and non prescription) drugs marketed at “fighting the cold” and allowing us to “soldier on”. 

It angers us when we are forced to slow down our rushed schedules in order to allow our exhausted, strained bodies to catch up with us.  Never mind that we have given our bodies no support for all that we expect of them.  We eat processed foods with limited nutritional value, we drink chemical, sugary, additive laden cocktails instead of pure water, we deprive ourselves of rest and we suppress our uncomfortable emotions with cigarettes, alcohol, food and other addictions.

Sound harsh?  Well this is how much of the culture is treating themselves.  Sounds bizarre doesn’t it? When our natural needs start to surface through fatigue,  illness that is trying to purge toxins built up in the body or numerous other ways, our first reaction is to medicate so we can keep pushing through.  No wonder we have a hospital system bulging at the sides!

If you want good health and good mental health then you must care for your body as a priority.  Your physical body includes your brain.  What you eat and how you treat your body affects your brain’s ability to think and process.  This is ths same with your child. 

So when a problem presents…or even before a problem presents, ask yourself..how am I going at looking after my natural needs?

What natural need is lacking that led to this problem in the first place, and how can I address it on an ongoing basis to prevent the problem returning?

Let’s look at an example with YOU the carer, parent or guardian.  You are feeling run down and exhausted.  You are working full time and caring for your child.  Your partner works long hours and isn’t really pulling their weight around the house, so you are left with the majority of work.  Since you are home more than your partner, you also see the family’s needs more often and more closely, and this adds to your stress levels. You find yourself feeling low in libido, low in energy and low in emotions.  Resentment is building towards your partner and family and you find yourself lashing out at times.

What can be done?

Well the worst case mainstream example (but very common!!!) might be to:

a) Go to the GP and be prescribed anti depressants; a common answer given by GP’s who are unaware of other options.

b) Continue as you are, supplementing low energy levels with sugary snacks and drinks that give a quick high and then leave you feeling low.  Your weight suffers as a result, and your self esteem plummets, adding to your malaise.

c) Continue as you are and keep trying to survive, leading to burnout and further exhaustion and resentment.  Relationships with family members and partner continue to deteriorate to a point beyond repair. Children feel unhappy at home leading to poor school performance and the problems keep compounding.  Things get so hard for you that you feel you have no choice but to place your ASD child on medication in order to cope with day to day life.

So..what are the natural alternatives:

Do one or more of the following to change the road you’re on

1. Visit a reputable dietician, naturopath, herbalist, ayurveda practitioner (whoever you like, it’s your choice) and have your mineral levels checked and your diet analysed.  Start working towards optimising the diet of you and your family to create more energy and less highs and lows.

2. Start seeing a counsellor for some emotional and mental support through this tough time.  Holistic Living Counsellors are trained to help you identify your natural needs and start addressing them.

3.  Start by taking 5 minutes a day (you can’t argue and say you don’t have that) to do something supportive for yourself.  It can be as simple as listening to relaxing music, walking your dog, having a lie down, whatever feels right for you.

4. Look at your priorities. Are you being too hard on yourself?  Are you trying to be “wonder parent?”  What can you change about your weekly schedule that will make life more manageable for you? If your partner can’t help around the house, get a house cleaner.  It will be the best investment you ever make in your sanity.

5.  Start including some things in your week that make YOU happy.  It might be an art class, a belly dancing class, a girls night, something that makes your heart sing and allows you to play.  You need it and the joy will flow through to your family.  Remember youa re a powerful role model for your children.  If they see you enjoying life by doing things that make you happy, then they too will learn that this is an important value to have.

Most importantly give yourself a break.  You are probably doing more than is humanly possible and not looking after yourself well enough.  The consequences long term can be HUGE, so act now and start turning things around so you are supported in being the best carer you can be.  You role model caring for yourself, so care for yourself as you would like your children to learn to care for themselves in the future. Monkey see monkey do!!

The joys and curses of being “mum”

This post is written from the perspective of a mum about being a mum, but flip it over and it could apply to being a dad, so don’t tune out just yet guys. 

I love being Tim’s mum and wouldn’t be doing anything other than this, but we can all feel frustrated and down on ourselves when we can’t be all we want to be for our children.  I know that much of my frustration has to do with the way I was parented.  In my case this pertains primarily to my relationship with my mother, though for dads it could be their fathers.  Working on my unresolved issues with my mother has a direct effect on my ability to parent my son.

Let’s widen the lense a little further.  Everything in my life has an affect on me and my emotional state, so everything in my life has an effect on my ability to be truly present to my parenting role.  Clearly, we can’t control all these externals, so what’s the point of worrying about it you might say?  Well if I didn’t pay any attention to the factors that influence my ability to parent, then nothing would change.  My good intentions would amount to little other than continuing the good and bad patterns of the past.  If nothing changes, then how can I meet any of my goals?  My goals relate to happiness, peace and joy in my life; these are very personal goals.  But in order to achieve my goals, I need to examine my life, my actions, my thoughts and feelings. If I don’t have these things in my life now, then changing nothing will guarantee that things stay the same.

As Socrates says “a life unexamined is a life not worth living.“ 

So let’s start with the simple things:

• What is your diet like?  Are you getting plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables?  Have you been tested for food allergies and intolerances that could be affecting your emotional state?  We are what we eat, and this includes our feelings, thoughts and beliefs?  You wnat quality output? Start looking at the input.  Choose one thing that you would like to change about your diet to help you feel better and make that change TODAY.
• How is your sleep?  Are you able to take a break and rest? If you are not sleeping well have you looked at all the factors that contribute to poor sleep?  Emotional unrest often causes lack of sleep. Perhaps it’s time to book in to see a trusted counsellor and face some of those uncomfortable areas of your life that are seething under the surface.  Perhaps there’s unrest in your relationship and this too needs to be addressed.  Get the help you need to overcome this.  See asking for help as a sign of strength and courage rather than weakness. Seek services that offer respite if you have too little time to rest.
• Are you engaging in some kind of physical activity? It doesn’t have to be a fully charged fitness routine.  You could be doing something you enjoy like walking, bikeriding, gardening etc, as long as you are moving your body and getting yourself outdoors.  Don’t have the time?  Ask for the help you need in order to make the time.  You will feel vastly different as a result.
• Do you take some time in your day to connect to the BIG you?  By this I mean the expansive, spiritual you that is not defined by your physical body and the roles you play in life.  You might do this through meditation or prayer, or spending time in nature, in any manner that works for you and with any philosophy that you choose.  Enjoying a spiritual connection of some kind is vital to who we are and an important ingredient for happiness. 
• Examine your relationship with your own parents.  What are the hurts and wrongs you still harbour?  Write letters to the people in your life that hurt you and DO NOT send these letters.  They are for your personal validation and emotional release only. Do this in a private space and time where you will not be disturbed so that you will be free to feel the emotions that go with this process.  Keep writing as many letters as you need to and allow the emotions trapped deep in your body to be set free.  Then plan something lovely and nurturing to do when you are finished, so that you replace what you have released with a positive feeling. Remember that going to our parents with these old issues can potentially be very damaging to your relationship with them and invalidating for you when they negate what you deeply feel.  We all have our perceptions and each is true for us.  There is usually not much gained by confronting our parents with the past, instead, focus on the state of the relationship now.  Is there anything you feel you would like to do right now to improve the relationship, or perhaps you’re happy with where it is for now.

As you do for yourself you do for your son or daughter.  It is so frustrating to see people bend over backwards for their children, sacrificing their own health and wellbeing.  We think we are doing the right thing, yet often all we are teaching our children is how to get sick. These are habits they learn from us and take into their own life.  To be the best parent you can be – be a great role model for self care, love and health. 

Useful links

To learn how to live well and take care of yourself go to http://www.holisticsolutions.com.au and look at the Live Well program.

To address inner child and family of origin issues look at http://www.holisticsolutions.com.au/workshops.html

For counselling to address your relationships go to http://www.holisticstudies.com.au/therapies.html