Explore your options

Recently we visited the paediatrician about a Tourettes type noise that Tim was making.  The noise comes and goes and was particularly present at the time that I consulted the paediatrician.

I made the appointment and in the mean time did a little research on the internet.  I read somewhere that taking fruit juice out of the diet can help.  So prior to the appointment with the paediatrician, I took Tim off his fruit juices, which he loves and drinks at least 2 large glasses a day.

Taking him off the fruit juices had dramatic results. The noise was reduced to only occasional from pretty much being there all the time.  Alongside the dietary change I also gave Tim the opportunity to do some emotional release work, as I had a gut feeling that the stress underlying the tic was emotional. This worked well too. By then, the appointment with the paediatrician came around. The tic hadn’t fully disappeared so I attended the appointment.  I told her of my success with the fruit juice and she dismissed it, saying that diet is only one factor in the treatment.  I asked her what else could be done in that case to help, and the only alternative she gave me was anti-psychotic medication

Well 2 weeks later, no medication, the tic has pretty much disappeared.  I suppose the paediatrician would call that a coincidence, but if I had’ve listened to her advice, my son would now be on medication.

The treatment I gave Tim took 5 minutes to research and 15 minutes of my time sitting with him and using some tools to help him express his feelings.  You can learn these tools in the Holistic Parenting course advertised on this website. So little effort to avoid medicating him, and in the end I learnt something valuable about fruit juice in his diet.

I explained to Tim why I was removing the fruit juice from his diet and he agreed to do it as the tic was really bothering him.

It is definitely worth exploring your natural options BEFORE medicating. DO NOT be daunted by professional opinions and do not hold their opinions in greater esteem that your own gut feeling as a parent.  As always common sense prevails and you must never place your child in any danger by denying them urgent medical treatment, but in cases like this it is worth being creative and listening to yourself.

Managing Anger

You might think this article is going to be about managing children’s anger.  Instead as a follow up to my post about teachers unleashing their frustration on children in the classroom, I thought it just to look at parents and their anger, and how both can best go about dealing with the inevitable frustrations in life effectively.

There is a popular notion (even in some anger management classes) that anger is something that should be kept in check at all costs and that be controlling it, it somehow disappears into the ether.  I’m sure that your own experience could tell you this is completely untrue.

Disowned anger finds dysfunctional and dangerous pockets of our life in which to rest and wreak havoc. 

1. It can affect our health by building stress in the body.  One example is that according to Eastern medicine, liver is the seat of anger. So liver dysfunctions can indicate that anger may be present.

2. It can come out in ways that are damaging to yourself and others.  We can lash out or explode at people close to us, or even people who trigger your anger in a way that’s diproportionate to their wrongdoing, eg shop assistant, someone who cuts you off while driving or the innocent doorknocker.

3. Anger can come out in negative behaviour such as gossiping, talk that is negative of others, humour at the expense of others, sarcasm, criticism and defensiveness.

4. Anger can be present when a person is excessively manipulating of others through their behaviour, is depressed, partakes in addictive behaviours or is demanding of others.

These can be signs that anger may be present and needs attention.

So what can you do with your anger? The first thing which the anger management classes teach is to learn how to hold onto it so that it doesn’t hurt others.  Meditation, relaxation, music, deep breathing, counting to 10, walking away, going outside for air are a few examples of the things we can practise doing to help stop ourselves from destroying relationships.

But it doesn’t stop there.  We then need to make a time away from the person who hurt us, or situation that upset us and work on releasing the emotions that are involved.  Anger can mask many other emotions such as; anger, sadness, hurt, betrayal, pain, grief and many more vulnerable emotions.  Here are some things you can do when you are by yourself and will not be disturbed:

1. Stamp your feet, punch pillows, turn up the stereo and scream.

2. Write “emotional release” letters to the person/people/organisation that hurt you and then destroy them. (Do not send these letters, but allow yourself to be completely honest in them – it is up to you to make sure they are destroyed and that no-one reads them. They are for healing purposes only.)

3. Make an appointment with a Holistic Living Counsellor for some anger work.

4. Go for a run or dance; do something very physical that helps transform your energy and emotions.

Then  reward yourself with a treat – a nurturing bath, massage, something fun for your hard work.

Along the way you may find that you become aware of an issue or cause that you feel passionate about.  It might be about setting the right boundaries so that this situation does not happen again, it may be a passion about children’s rights or the environment. 

If this is a burning issue for you then find a way to get “hands on” about the issue, join a group, write a letter to the newspaper, start a support group, enrol in that course you’ve been wanting to do…and start channelling your anger energy into passion.  This is true, passionate living.  Remember the cause may start with YOU and your needs!

Be a true role model for your child/ren.

Be discerning with doctors and medical advice.

I am sharing an experience with you that angered me. It not only angered me because my son was mistreated by a Paediatrician, but it really concerns me that many parents may unwittingly take the advice of Government endorsed specialists as gospel, believing that their qualifications guarantee good advice and that this should be followed.

My experience tells me this is not necessarily so.

For the sake of your children, follow your intuition and ask questions.

The Paediatrician was running late for our appointment and so were we.
He seemed flustered and annoyed at the situation as he now had 2 clients waiting to see him.

I was seeing him for a letter I needed for school confirming my son’s original diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome.  This was for his integration aide funding application.

About 2 minutes into the consultation I presented him the most recent school report and other relevant information.

He opened the school report first to a random page and read a couple of lines.
The conversation then went like this.

P “So he has trouble concentrating?”

Me “Yes, though it’s relative to what he’s doing. If he’s interested he has no trouble. We had some auditory processing tests done yesterday and we found that this is also a factor….”

P (interrupts) “Do you want to do something about that?”

Me “What?”

P “The concentration?”

Me “You mean therapy of some kind?”

P “No, I’m talking about him having ADD. A lot of the time it goes hand in hand with Autism. We can give him something to get him to concentrate.”

Me “You mean medication?”

P “Yes, my grandson takes it – works well – not my patient clearly.”

At this stage I was stunned, I couldn’t understand how less than 3  minutes into the conversation he had diagnosed ADD in my son without even talking to him and had suggested medication.

Me “I don’t believe he needs Medication”

P “Right! (changes body language to a closed position).

Me “I’m concerned that giving him medication doesn’t give him the opportunity to address problems and learn to cope with them now, and that it will lead to him being on medication long term as a result of not having developed coping strategies or ways of compensating. Besides, his school results are very good.”

P “Yes they are very good. So does that mean I shouldn’t wear glasses? Because my eyes will get lazy and won’t adjust?

Me “ I don’t think that’s the same thing. We’re talking about my son ingesting a drug into his body, possibly for the rest of his life that he doesn’t need. What about the long term effects?”

P “Have you read any studies about the effects of medication long term? “

Me “ It’s common sense and there’s a lot that we still don’t know.”

P “ Well if you’re going to be irrational and illogical and argue with science then fine! It does help their self confidence!” (He was really annoyed now)

He then sat and stared directly at me waiting for a response. I was still reeling from having been called ‘irrational’ because I was not willing to agree with his opinion on the use of medication for my son. I had not come to him reporting any current problems that concerned me or might possibly require medication and I was only seeing him for a letter I needed for his school aide funding. So how did we end up talking about medication?

He wrapped up the consultation, promised me the letter and I was rushed out.
I looked at the woman sitting in the waiting room, ready to go in. Earlier I had observed that she appeared unsure of her self. She’s mince meat! I thought.

On the drive home I reflected on how many young children that Paediatrician must treat. I shed a tear for all the kids with parents who might unwittingly respect his authority and position and follow his advice without question.

I respect that there is a place for medication in the treatment of children’s problems, especially autism, however if he could make such a quick judgment in my case where I know my son does not have issues that require medication, how many children out there are medicated without need? As a culture we respect (sometimes without question) the authority and seniority of leading specialists. Thousands of children are referred to his clinic every year and continue seeing him regularly. Many desperate parents rely understandably on his advice.

It’s really scary.

We need to ask questions…
and feel angry…..
and act with our intelligent, logical, rational minds
that tell us to get the hell out of there and find someone better. There are good practitioners out there; that take a more holistic approach to children, we just need to use our discerning minds to find them.

A year later, my son is on his first year of high school.  He is enjoying his classes, getting great results, and completing all the set work (including homework).  He even has a great group of friends.  No medication was involved, he is doing this completely naturally using holistic support strategies.