Helping with Sleep

Most children with Asperger’s Syndrome suffer from difficulty getting to sleep.  My son finds he is often wide awake and clear as a bell at 10pm, and ready to talk about his day in detail.  I have found that gentle persuasion and some holistic techniques really help him with getting to sleep.  After all, his body is tired, it’s his brain that is finding it difficult to wind down.  It’s vital not to get angry at your child and think that they are being naughty by staying up late.  It’s well documented that children with AS have difficulty winding down.  Here are some things that have worked for us and may work for you.  As for which one to choose, ask your child which one they would like?

-Gentle Relaxing Massage (clothes on for warmth) for those who enjoy massage.  It’s worth experimenting and developing a technique that your child finds relaxing.

- Guided Meditation. Buy a book or cd, or make up your own.

- Head stroking and soothing words.

- Definitely no video games 2 hours before bed.

- A bath just before bed with soothing essential oils in the bath and soft lighting in the room.

- Foot massage

- Soaking feet in salted hot water (have the water as hot as the child can manage)

- Stretching or yoga

- Conversation that validates the child’s concerns so that they can put their worries behind them.  EG using worry dolls. Make sure the conversation closes on a positive note.  If the child wants to raise contentious issues, state calmly that these might be best handled tomorrow.  Make a commitment to a time when the issue will be discussed and follow through.

- Head massage is particularly soothing and great to relax the mind.

Now you might be thinking..hey! howcome I don’t get this sort of help going to sleep?  If I put all this effort in, they’ll expect it all the time!!  There are two points to make here:

1. Yes you’re right – you deserve this too!!! So why don’t you make sure you get it!! As a carer you need this kind of nurturing more than anyone, so make sure you give it to yourself so you don’t burn out and so you are in a better position to give.

2. These children have their parents as the people who understand them most and empathise with their struggles; the rest of the world and people are foreign and often perceived as very unfriendly.  Be their ally and friend and they will reward you tenfold by really taking flight.  When a child feels well supported, nurtured and loved they can truly live their best potential!!!  They deserve this and so do you!! You don’t have to do his every night…just when you can!

The importance of Relaxation

“It is common for individuals with AS to become emotionally vulnerable and easily stressed.  In fact, some argue that persons with AS are under constant or  near-constant stress“. p16 Aspergers Syndrome and Difficult Moments (Brenda Smith Myles and Jack Southwick 2nd ed Autism Asperger Publishing Co. Kansas 2005

As adults in a modern world we tend to take relaxation as a luxury or something we only fully indulge in on holiday.  For these children, relaxation is a survival tool.  Whilst they feel anxious and stressed their otherwise overworked minds can fail them and this can potentially lead to meltdowns, rageful fits and tantrums.

So regular relaxation is essential to return them to their baseline, so that they are refreshed for the next lot of mental and emotional processing required.

Each child is different of course, and it’s best to start experimenting with a variety of methods and then choose what works best. Some things that I have found great are:

• Taking Tim on a drive to the Hot Springs (we have the Peninsula Hot Springs in Rosebud which is about an hour’s drive from where we live).  He LOVES it.  The hot springs contain thermal pools at a variety of temperatures and a cold plunge pool and sauna.  Tim delights in the different temperatures on his skin, and his eyes roll back in his head as he soaks up the soothing minerals.  After a visit to the Hot Springs, the visible effects last 2-3 days. He is happier, more co-operative and more relaxed. I make sure we visit each school holidays.
• When you can’t get to the hot springs consider mineral baths at home.  Tim loves baths in general, and will stay in for hours.  With water restrictions in Melbourne, this is not possible, but he can have a good soak for 30mins to an hour. The problem is he usually forgets to wash because his mind switches off, so I have to make sure I remind him.
• Meditation (see posts related to meditation)
• Energy Balance Massage is a 10 minute massage.  It’s given to the child with clothes on and it is excellent for a quick mood moderator and relaxer, especially before bed.  If Tim is worried about going to school or anxious about something he’s about to go to, an Energy Balance Massage is the FIX IT.  He never says no, The massage itself is very nurturing and soothing, and was develeloped by Chiropractor and Holistic Healer Mark Brown. The complete modality is taught by Alannah Dore. Contact info@holisticsolutions.com.au for training information if you would like to become a fully accredited EBM Practitioner. The 10 min EMB is also learnt as part of the training for the Diploma in Holistic Living Counselling.  Information available at www.holisticsolutions.com.au.  I give Tim this massage on his bed, so you don’t even have to use a massage table, provided that the bed is high enough and you’re not straining your back.
• Listening – I find a great way for Tim to unwind is to let him talk about everything that’s on his mind.  (You’ll be there for a while lol so find a comfy chair). Use the listening skills that are described in the Communication Skills section of this blog and really listen to what is bothering your child.  You’ll find this can be a great way to allow them to offload, wipe the slate clean and refresh.
• Video games and computers.  Many psychologists argue that these kinds of pastimes allow AS kids to relax due to the predictability and uniformity of outcomes when working with a machine.  To an extent I definitely see their point and hence the strong attraction for these kids.  However I have found there is a strong danger of addiction and dependence which can lead to social withdrawal.  Also of concern, is the nature of games played..are they violent? dark in content and themes? are they appropriate for your child’s age group?  What is your child looking at on the internet?  Time to indulge in these hobbies is essential however strong parental control and guidance is highly recommended.  I know on occasions when Tim has been playing video games for 2 hours he becomes extremely irritable and frustrated, yet hungers for more – his mood and demeanour are definitely changed for the worse.  So time limits and close supervision are warranted.

Ensuring that your child engages in some kind of relaxing activity each day will bring great benefits.  Perhaps you could join them and get some much needed relaxation yourself!

Meditation and Children

I have found Guided Meditation to be excellent for my son who has Aspergers Syndrome.  He is now 12, but we have been using varied forms of meditation since he was 6. 

The best way to conduct meditations with him I found was to do the meditations with him.  From time to time he would want to ask questions, or get clarification if he didn’t understand the instructions and it’s great to be on hand to answer questions so that he didn’t get distracted for too long.

What I found with my son was that he connected to the Guided Meditation Imagery instantly and could even do so without closing his eyes.  In fact in the early stages he preferred to do the meditations with eyes open.  I found that as he got older, he became more comfortable with his eyes closed.

Guided Meditation cd’s are readily available for children. I would suggest nothing too new age, something tangible and a narrative that engages their interest. A cd is available from Holistic Solutions Life Education by mail order.

Another option is for the parent/s to do some training in guiding meditations. I am a guided meditation teacher and I found this training invaluable as it meant that

1.  I did not have to rely on keeping a large stock of guided meditation cd’s.

2.  I could create meditations that suited what he needed at any particular point in time – so the meditation was personalised and relevant.

3.  I could create meditations that included his favourite characters eg. dinosaurs, bears, spaceships etc. so that it was easy to keep him engaged and attentive.

4.  You can then create a relaxing and bonding experience for both of you to enjoy.

The Australian Centre for Holistic Studies offers a Certificate course in Guided Meditation teaching.

Guided Meditations are excellent for helping children settle before bed.  Particularly for these children who have such busy minds and often find it difficult to relax and settle.

Guided Meditations stimulate the child’s creativity, intuition and imagination – encouraging possibility thinking and creative problem solving rather than pessimism and negativity.

I also found it important to discuss the benefits of meditation with my son and to create sound motivation in him to want to participate.   The main reasons I shared with him were:

1. To help you think clearly in difficult situations

2. To help you get to sleep by relaxing your mind.

3. To give you the experience of calmness so that you can bring this calmness into other parts of your life.

4. To help you become less reactive to things people say, particularly at school.

5. To help you keep your peace in lots of situations.

6. To feel better about life.

After your child becomes more experienced at meditation, you could ask them to create meditations with you, and take it in turns at guiding the journey.  You’ll be amazed what they come up with.

Guided Meditation is really effective at creating an engaging experience for children.  It is the imagery and experience that creates the relaxation response in children.  Eventually, they will no longer need the imagery and can go straight into the relaxation response.