Explore your options

Recently we visited the paediatrician about a Tourettes type noise that Tim was making.  The noise comes and goes and was particularly present at the time that I consulted the paediatrician.

I made the appointment and in the mean time did a little research on the internet.  I read somewhere that taking fruit juice out of the diet can help.  So prior to the appointment with the paediatrician, I took Tim off his fruit juices, which he loves and drinks at least 2 large glasses a day.

Taking him off the fruit juices had dramatic results. The noise was reduced to only occasional from pretty much being there all the time.  Alongside the dietary change I also gave Tim the opportunity to do some emotional release work, as I had a gut feeling that the stress underlying the tic was emotional. This worked well too. By then, the appointment with the paediatrician came around. The tic hadn’t fully disappeared so I attended the appointment.  I told her of my success with the fruit juice and she dismissed it, saying that diet is only one factor in the treatment.  I asked her what else could be done in that case to help, and the only alternative she gave me was anti-psychotic medication

Well 2 weeks later, no medication, the tic has pretty much disappeared.  I suppose the paediatrician would call that a coincidence, but if I had’ve listened to her advice, my son would now be on medication.

The treatment I gave Tim took 5 minutes to research and 15 minutes of my time sitting with him and using some tools to help him express his feelings.  You can learn these tools in the Holistic Parenting course advertised on this website. So little effort to avoid medicating him, and in the end I learnt something valuable about fruit juice in his diet.

I explained to Tim why I was removing the fruit juice from his diet and he agreed to do it as the tic was really bothering him.

It is definitely worth exploring your natural options BEFORE medicating. DO NOT be daunted by professional opinions and do not hold their opinions in greater esteem that your own gut feeling as a parent.  As always common sense prevails and you must never place your child in any danger by denying them urgent medical treatment, but in cases like this it is worth being creative and listening to yourself.

Be discerning with doctors and medical advice.

I am sharing an experience with you that angered me. It not only angered me because my son was mistreated by a Paediatrician, but it really concerns me that many parents may unwittingly take the advice of Government endorsed specialists as gospel, believing that their qualifications guarantee good advice and that this should be followed.

My experience tells me this is not necessarily so.

For the sake of your children, follow your intuition and ask questions.

The Paediatrician was running late for our appointment and so were we.
He seemed flustered and annoyed at the situation as he now had 2 clients waiting to see him.

I was seeing him for a letter I needed for school confirming my son’s original diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome.  This was for his integration aide funding application.

About 2 minutes into the consultation I presented him the most recent school report and other relevant information.

He opened the school report first to a random page and read a couple of lines.
The conversation then went like this.

P “So he has trouble concentrating?”

Me “Yes, though it’s relative to what he’s doing. If he’s interested he has no trouble. We had some auditory processing tests done yesterday and we found that this is also a factor….”

P (interrupts) “Do you want to do something about that?”

Me “What?”

P “The concentration?”

Me “You mean therapy of some kind?”

P “No, I’m talking about him having ADD. A lot of the time it goes hand in hand with Autism. We can give him something to get him to concentrate.”

Me “You mean medication?”

P “Yes, my grandson takes it – works well – not my patient clearly.”

At this stage I was stunned, I couldn’t understand how less than 3  minutes into the conversation he had diagnosed ADD in my son without even talking to him and had suggested medication.

Me “I don’t believe he needs Medication”

P “Right! (changes body language to a closed position).

Me “I’m concerned that giving him medication doesn’t give him the opportunity to address problems and learn to cope with them now, and that it will lead to him being on medication long term as a result of not having developed coping strategies or ways of compensating. Besides, his school results are very good.”

P “Yes they are very good. So does that mean I shouldn’t wear glasses? Because my eyes will get lazy and won’t adjust?

Me “ I don’t think that’s the same thing. We’re talking about my son ingesting a drug into his body, possibly for the rest of his life that he doesn’t need. What about the long term effects?”

P “Have you read any studies about the effects of medication long term? “

Me “ It’s common sense and there’s a lot that we still don’t know.”

P “ Well if you’re going to be irrational and illogical and argue with science then fine! It does help their self confidence!” (He was really annoyed now)

He then sat and stared directly at me waiting for a response. I was still reeling from having been called ‘irrational’ because I was not willing to agree with his opinion on the use of medication for my son. I had not come to him reporting any current problems that concerned me or might possibly require medication and I was only seeing him for a letter I needed for his school aide funding. So how did we end up talking about medication?

He wrapped up the consultation, promised me the letter and I was rushed out.
I looked at the woman sitting in the waiting room, ready to go in. Earlier I had observed that she appeared unsure of her self. She’s mince meat! I thought.

On the drive home I reflected on how many young children that Paediatrician must treat. I shed a tear for all the kids with parents who might unwittingly respect his authority and position and follow his advice without question.

I respect that there is a place for medication in the treatment of children’s problems, especially autism, however if he could make such a quick judgment in my case where I know my son does not have issues that require medication, how many children out there are medicated without need? As a culture we respect (sometimes without question) the authority and seniority of leading specialists. Thousands of children are referred to his clinic every year and continue seeing him regularly. Many desperate parents rely understandably on his advice.

It’s really scary.

We need to ask questions…
and feel angry…..
and act with our intelligent, logical, rational minds
that tell us to get the hell out of there and find someone better. There are good practitioners out there; that take a more holistic approach to children, we just need to use our discerning minds to find them.

A year later, my son is on his first year of high school.  He is enjoying his classes, getting great results, and completing all the set work (including homework).  He even has a great group of friends.  No medication was involved, he is doing this completely naturally using holistic support strategies.

Working with the school

If your child’s school is difficult to get along with and aren’t interested in helping or changing – no matter what information or which experts you bring in to help, then change schools as soon as possible and end the torture.

The only way things will work for your child is if the school is adept at handling your child’s needs or if you have a team of experts and the school is willing to listen.  I spent 18 months trying to change a primary school to meet us half way and it was just a drain of energy and resources.  So if they are unco-operative, definitely walk away and save your energy.

If you have a good school, then that’s great.  The next thing to do is muster up your support team.  These should be professionals that know your child well and are on your side.  Don’t leave it up to the school or the professionals alone to decide what is best for your child.  Listen to their advice and then integrate it with what you know.  Imagine yourself as the integration executive, sitting in the control chair, with these other people around you as advisers and consultants.  YOU are in charge.  It is so easy to give away your power and authority as a parent because you feel uneducated or illinformed.  If this is the case, do some work of your self esteem and sense of power, do some research, reading and learn to become a spokesperson for the needs of your child.  This is VITAL.

Your child will suffer whilst you give your power away to medical “experts” .  I have been given plenty of bad advice, and plenty of good advice during the 10 years that I have been consulting therapists about my son’s health.  I have wasted tons of money because I felt like a novice.  Experience certainly helps confidence, but ultimately, the confidence to stand by your truth and your assessment of a situation rests with your inner sense of power.

No-one has the loving intention for your child that you do.  No expert will have the compassion and knowledge and experience to match yours.  So use their expertise and build your expert point of view – then trust it, and be open to new information, adjustment and change.

As you build your team of advisers and consultants, think economically, is there a government funded expert to replace my highly paid private expert?  These children require assistance for many years. The total therapy cost will be very high.  There are fantastic people (speech therapists, paediatricians, psychologists, audiologists) that are available free of charge (in Australia).  Sift through and find them if you can. I have found these people willing and caring available for school meetings.  If as a parent, you are informed and confident, then this system will work well. 

So back to school meetings.  Only bring your partner if they are helpful and think along the same lines as you, otherwise they will just slow things down and you only have limited time in  these meetings.  Be clear about what you want to bring up and if possible advise those attending the meeting of your agenda at least 1 week prior to the meeting. That way you will definitely be heard.

If you are faced with a school that is heavily punitive in its approach, (by that I mean they use strong punishment as a favoured way to control behaviour) then make sure your team includes experts in behaviour management to bring in another point of view.  Let them do the hard work for you and tell the school how it needs to be done, and then you can be there to back them up.

The experts will need to point out the underlying needs that relate to your child that are highlighted by the behaviour  and suggest how they can be best addressed to keep your child’s self esteem in tact and make school a positive experience.  Strong punishments are generally a last resort appropriate only for extreme behaviour, and even then, unless the underlying causes are addressed, the behaviour will continue or your child will withdraw and possibly become depressed.

If your child has aide funding, ensure that you are kept informed of how the budget is being spent.  Often schools will divert funding where it is needed, even though this is illegal, they are just doing what they can to survive on tight budgets.  Nevertheless it becomes your responsibility to ensure that the resources are being spent on your child and this may require some insistence. 

Insist that you are kept informed at all stages of the year as things can deteriorate quickly and your child could be left unsupported.  Make sure you haev a school meeting at least once a term.   

Children with diagnoses of emotional problems, personality disorders, ADD, ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome mostly do not qualify for additional assistance in Australia.  This means that schools are flooded with children that need additional support and are not funded for them.  So where does the funding come from?  The school (understandably) will take it from wherever they can, so be vigilant about your child’s budget.

Even if you are at a good school – stay vigilant and informed and retain authority. Remember – you are his/her spokesperson and protective, nurturing carer. He/she really needs you.